A beautiful sunny morning, finally, in Northern California. My eldest son sleeps sweetly in his room. He's off school. My rising senior is with me this quiet morning. And it's wonderful.
How relaxed he has seemed the last few days. It has been a pleasure watching him transform back into my Kyle. My rising senior.
Summer. It has almost begun. Will has two weeks left but we can almost feel the endless days of summer. I know, I talked on and on about SAT prep and College Applications but F&^* it! Let's not worry about anything. Anything.
Then why did I wake up this morning worrying about everything?
The only thought that pops into my tired head is that I don't want to have to worry about anything. It is almost as if I have no control over my worrying.
Let me explain and tell me if any of this resonates with any of you. That cough that lingers, the stomach ache that doesn't feel right, the curve of the spine, the weird looking spider bite, the unimaginable! STOP!
I am worrying about worrying this morning and that is all F&^*ed up!
Beginnings and endings always put me in this place. I don't know why.
But I have thrown up my short, shorts and a lively tee shirt and Kyle and I are going to go shopping for Will's 14th birthday today...probably around 3:00 when Kyle wakes up.
Until then, I'm free to read your blog posts.
And I'm going to try and not worry.
Wish me luck.
Open House Countdown
8 years ago
It's hard I'm telling you: Transitions. They're tough. But isn't everything that's worth it like that?? Hope you 2 enjoyed this day together!
ReplyDeleteI call myself a Professional Worrier. It's maddening and I hate it but I cannot stop myself. You're not alone!
ReplyDeleteTerry, very funny - did he actually sleep that late? My son is now living in summer misery, waking up each day at 7:30 for football training camp in Arizona... Talk about worrying! All I think about are all those headlines about cruel, despotic coaches and football players keeling over!
ReplyDeleteBut I figure loving too much means I have to send them out into the world even though their carrying my heart, right?
How did it go? My worrying bewitching hour is 4am. My eyes spring open and my brain starts a litany of all the things I should be doing (email Phil and Deanna from work) or the things I should do better (parenting and letting go). And dog gone it, 4am is too early to get up and write that email and too late to go back to sleep without worrying I may not wake up in time to email. So if you figured out how to stop worrying, will you let me know?
ReplyDeleteThis end of the school year is hitting me hard too. I hope you enjoyed your worry-free day with your son!
ReplyDeleteI can't fall asleep without spending a good hour worrying about this mole or that bump or the house burning down or everything terrible that could possibly happen. Is it because we're mothers?? Will it ever end? I don't have answers, but it's comforting to know I'm not the only one.
ReplyDeleteHey Terry, you can email me at:
ReplyDeleteamanbacon@yahoo.com
Erica
I dip in and out of feelings of pervading doom, however, I particularly appreciate a Celtic meditation I read about in a book by Poet John O'Dononue in which he simply suggests breathing in love and breathing out fear and desire.
ReplyDeleteIt is a touch Buddhist as well, I suppose, but it also makes good neurological sense: no calming thought ever calms the monkey mind (at least not my monkey mind). Yet when we breathe slow and deep, even without a particular intention, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system (which governs digestion and immune functioning) and we turn off the sympathetic (fight flight) system that leads to exhaustion, weight gain (from adrenaline not burned and turned to cortisol) as well as heart disease and surpressed immune function (thus leaving us more vulnerable to all those illnesses we fear).
Try to make your irrational worries a cue to breathe slowly and deeply. No companies promote this highly effective strategy because there is no money in it whatsoever.
Here's to wishing all us would-be worriers a deep breathing and fully savored summer.
I am a worrier too...it's hard to quit!
ReplyDelete