They are used to seeing me upset, angry, happy, crazy, even a little wild. They are not used to seeing me so sad.
My sadness makes them feel bad. But I can't hide it. Not today.
Today, I said yet another good-bye to my wonderful Aunt. I am so lousy at good-byes. I have said too many good-byes. But she is not yet ready to die.
Peacefully, she sleeps. Regal, she looks. Solace, I feel in knowing that she will never have to watch her twin sister, my mother die. Small comforts, but I will take them tonight.
I will find a way from the sadness to the brightness and lightness of a life filled with wonderful memories, but not tonight. Tonight, I will be sad.
And how appropriate for them to see you sad; then they can know how important she was. And also learn how to not run from sadness in their own lives.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry...
thanks Maureen: And I am happy to know about your blog! It actually felt good and honest not to pretend I was happy when I wasn't.
ReplyDeleteTerry, I am sorry to hear this news, especially after the lovely post you wrote about your mother and aunt.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you in your sadness.
Terry, I am so sorry. I just love the honesty of your blog, especially amidst this sea of pseudo perfection.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you, friend. Just remember that tears are healing also. It means you are losing something significant, which means it was a gift. One of my favorite lines, stolen from a sympathy card but now posted on my bulliten board - "When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart. You shall see that, in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight"
ReplyDeleteIt is also very healthy for your kids to see your tears. It makes you real to them and allows them to 'minister' to you. A good friend told me that as I grieved after my mom's death. I never forgot it.
Hugs from New York...
judy
justonefoot.blogspot.com