Dreams they are a 'changing!

My father walked me down to the shore of our house in Malibu. He pointed to the horizon. Your true love is out there, somewhere. You will find him.

My father and mother had a wonderful marriage and my father tried to instill in me a belief that certain things are heaven sent. I'm sure he thought he was the luckiest man in the world to share his life with my mother.

This romantic notion has stayed with me my entire life. I dreamt of finding my soul mate and I kissed a lot of frogs along the way. But I met him. In the right time, the right place and I have never doubted for a second that he was heaven sent.

Together we started a family. I dreamt of this my entire life. I love kids and would often joke that I wanted at least ten! Two seemed so much more realistic. Perfect in fact.

So, we began to raise our family. A lifetime of dreams and hopes and prayers--it has been a wonderful journey. I just never realized it would go so fast. My youngest is only 13 but still I can feel the urgent beat of time. It pounds my eardrums like a Native American ritual--telling me time goes by.

I am getting a little more comfortable with my eventual journey--the kids will leave and I will make some kind of new life. But what are my dreams now? Are my dreams meant only for my kids or do I have some left over dreams just for me? I think what I am really asking is am I too old to dream? Is dreaming for young people just starting out? Now that I am firmly in mid-life, am I too realistic to dream?

I sit outside on this beautiful Northern Californian day. The sunshines down on me like a torch lighting my way. But I can't see my way yet.

When I was single there were so many days, so many lonely nights when I would think that I would never meet the person my Dad promised was just beyond the horizon. But I kept on dreaming. And waiting. Tom was worth the wait!

So, I ask the young mothers whose blogs I read and love, old friends that have known me for forty-five years, cousins,brothers and sisters-in-law, my incredible mother-in-law and father-in-law, and dare I even ask my children or the friends of my children-- am I too old to dream? Deep within me, on this perfect day, I know if I stop dreaming then I might as well just die.

But my dreams they are a changing. I can't just dream for smooth waters that bring health and happiness to those I love. I need to dream something for myself...something I really want. I just can't think of anything that I don't already have.