God I hate it when my kids are sick! And Will is home with a high fever, chills, and body aches. His neck is sore so the nurse at the doctor's office wanted me to see if, while standing, he could put his chin on his chest and then lying down, if he could raise his right leg without any pain. I think they were checking for Meningitis. You can't imagine how much dread and fear gets inside my head. He passed the test with flying colors.

Now, I just have to help manage his fever. 104 degrees this morning from a kid who normally doesn't get high fevers.

If I get this thing, H1N1 or whatever flu this is, I am shit out of luck.

But Will is such a trouper. He doesn't complain at all. He is in his room watching TV and resting.

Poor kid. I think I have already taken his temperature 20 times. I have washed my hands just as many times.

What happens when they are off at college and get sick? Who will take of them? Will I fly to wherever they are and make sure they are drinking enough fluids? Or will I sit at home calling every five minutes checking in on their physical status.

How does a parent let go?

A mother said to me this weekend that the parent-kid relationship is the only relationship where you nuture someone you love in preparation for them to leave you. It's true.

If I do my job correctly, then Kyle and Will will seperate from me easily and happily.

This weekend I watched Kyle with all his friends. Little by little he is already seperating and I'm not happy about it at all. We are developing a new relationship and I am the one having the problem accepting this. I am the 2-year-old, stomping my feet willing things to be like they were. But they never will be.

The pains and joys of watching your children grow takes my breath away. But at times I need a brown paper bag to blow into. This is one of those days.